How To Calm A Toddler During A Tantrum: Effective Parenting Tips

Have you ever encountered a real-life scene of a toddler's temper tantrum

Everyone must have noticed children giving a hard time to their parents in the supermarket, where they are seen crying while rolling on the floor and hitting their heads or shrieking at the top of their lungs with their faces flushed red!

And all this because they just wanted that one red car, a Barbie doll, or some weird-colored handkerchief!

Could this reaction of children to a “no” would have been avoided?

As a caretaker, it is very essential to have some toddler temper tantrum strategies. It would help your children understand their emotions and learn self-regulation and self-soothing for their healthy future well-being.

This blog will provide all the possible insights and parenting tips for managing various toddler tantrums!

A. Understanding Toddler Temper Tantrums

Children are born with a limitless potential to learn and adapt by exploring and taming their natural curiosity.

According to research, it is claimed that children are capable of forming almost 1000 new brain-neural connections per second during their initial 1000 days of life. That is, from the date of conception up to 2 years of age.

This proves that a two-year-old child’s brain is busier compared to an adult’s brain. Also, their brain is conditioned to adapt to the behavior they see around them right from when they are in the womb!

Toddler Temper Tantrums

This is defined as an emotional outburst by the children to certain reactions by crying, shouting, kicking, hitting, throwing things, breaking, self-harming, etc. because of their inability to get what they want!

This makes the initial years serve as an important period for their enhancement of essential language, emotional, social, and behavioral skills.

Temper tantrums are more prevalent from ages 1 to 4 years, after which they begin to decline due to the kids’ understanding of their own emotions and upskilling language efficiency.

Temper tantrums have many colors and forms. Therefore, as parents one must be prepared for managing toddler tantrums which could be triggered anytime.

Tip 1: Always try to analyze the reason that triggers their reaction and behavior, leading to temper tantrums.

Common Triggers And Causes

Let us now understand the typical behaviors exhibited during tantrums according to the children’s age group. This will help you identify them for a more calibrated solution.

Age Group	Common Triggers	Behaviour Characteristics	Color & Form
Toddlers (1 - 2 years)	Hunger, wet diapers, tiredness, insecurity.	Crying uncontrollably, squirming, clinging to parents.	“The Crying Symphony” Meltdown with no words and just a desire for comfort. Often loud and intense.
Older Toddlers (2 - 3 years)	Frustration from lack of expression due to poor vocabulary and intense need to control.	Crying, whining, sudden anger, outbursts, throwing things, defiance.	“The Silent Storm” Inability to control and frustration due to lack of expression leads to flailing limbs, throwing toys, etc.
Pre-Schoolers (3- 5 years)	Hunger, tiredness. Discomfort, overstimulation.	Crying, kicking, hitting, biting, head banging, or stomping.	“The Drama Queen or King” Can even lead to self-harm, desperation for attention, etc.
Early Schoolers (5 -7 years)	Struggles with school work, peer interactions, and tiredness.	Crying, verbal outbursts, defiant behavior (“I hate you!”).	“The Verbal Volcano” Everything is surrounded by emotional drama.

 

This proves the importance of tips for managing toddler emotional outbursts and helping the parents have a smoother parenting journey!

B. Preventive Strategies

Managing toddler tantrums in their early years is important for regulating the children’s behavioral issues and also for promoting a healthier parent-child relationship.

Reasons

• Preventing emotional outbursts during their initial years helps them understand self-regulation and self-soothing.
• Help them accommodate better in any social situation.
• Enhances social, language, and communication skills by expressing their feelings clearly.
• Reduces anxiety and stress due to proper channelizing of their emotions.
• Encourages emotional intelligence by developing empathy in children.

Let us now understand some effective ways to handle toddler temper tantrums in the kids.

I. Hack1: Maintaining Consistent Routines

This can be done by exploiting children’s two instincts. That is:

• Natural curiosity
• Scattered-mindset or easily distracted

Children should be made to follow a consistent daily routine, involving meal time, TV hour, playtime, homework time, or even bedtime routine. This helps to keep them engaged in their day-to-day activities.

Also, distracting them into other productive activities helps develop their essential skills, besides taming their restlessness and a need for an aggressive outlet.

Because remember, “Empty mind is the devil's workshop!”

Tip 1: Always ignore their temper tantrums when it comes to important things like doing their homework, eating nutritious foods, etc. This helps them understand boundaries and also teaches them to follow commands.

Tip 2: Believe in ensuring them with positive reinforcements like appreciating them for completing the homework on time or patiently waiting for their meal to be served, etc.

Reason: Validation ignites submission! That is, the more you validate their positive behavior, the more they will feel appreciated and try to model good behavior to impress you.

Activity

Prepare a weekly timetable for your child and paste it on the refrigerator door. Now ask your child to put the following at the end of each week.

• Green Tick - Completed tasks
• Red Cross - Uncompleted tasks

Now instruct your child that if they manage to get at least 10 green ticks per week, they will get to do one activity of their choice for some hours on the weekend.

Payoff

This activity would prevent temper tantrums because the children would develop the following skills:

• Time management because of clear expectations, which could prevent them from overwhelming emotions and stress due to pending work.
• A sense of responsibility as the “green tick ”and “red cross” give them a sense of independence where their reward remains in their control.
• Enhanced focus, motivation, and discipline to reap the gift of their hard work.
• Good emotional regulation by pushing themselves a little extra every day to complete the mandatory tasks at hand.

Example: A child might delay their playtime because of their homework to see the “green tick,” which also gives them a sense of accomplishment. Such routine practice could help them direct their attention to important things for their development.

II. Hack2: Ensuring Adequate Rest And Nutrition

Children are required to be monitored for their sleep cycles and nutrition to support their healthy growth and development.

i. Sleep: The Ultimate Weapon To Self-Soothe!

Good, undisturbed sleep is very crucial for children’s overall brain development, physical growth, concentration, focus, behavioral control, immunity, and emotional regulation.

Lack of sleep in children causes many issues like irritability, frustration, reduced tolerance for discomfort, impaired emotional regulation, overstimulation, overreaction, etc.

Standard Sleeping Hours According to Age Group

Age Group	Recommended Sleep Hours
Newborns (0-3 months)	14- 17 hours/ day
Infants (4 - 11 months)	12- 15 hours/ day
Toddlers (1- 2 years)	11 - 14 hours/ day
Pre- Schoolers (3-5 years)	10- 13 hours/ day

Tip 3: Be sure to give your children warm milk before their bedtime (if they are above the age of 6 months and do not have lactose intolerance).

Perks

• Promotes relaxation that calms down the body and helps the kids in self-soothing.
• The tryptophan compound present in the milk produces serotonin and melatonin that help regulate sleep.
• Aids in digestion and good bowel movements.

ii. Nutrition: Balanced Meals, Calmer Feeds!

A nutritious diet is very important for children’s overall healthy growth and development because lack of nutrition causes:

• A blood sugar imbalance might cause mood swings, irritability, and tantrums.
• Iron or vitamin B deficiency affects brain function, making it difficult to manage emotions.
• Poor nutrition could cause discomfort, leading to fatigue or weakness. This could also lead to hormonal imbalances.
• Lack of omega-3 fatty acids tends to impact mental and emotional regulation.

All this could lead to extreme frustration and emotional outbursts in the children, if not handled within time!

Tip 4: Encourage the kids to participate in the cooking process. For example, tell them to decorate the salad plate with the chopped vegetables. This also enhances their creativity.

Perk: If they put their energy into making something, they would also be motivated to eat it! If not, you can just encourage them by saying, “Oh wow! It looks delicious! You must try it!”

III. Hack3: Offering Choices To Foster A Sense Of Control

Children have an inherent tendency to control things. Therefore, it becomes crucial to let them be free to exercise control in certain situations. This could further help the caregivers make them comply with their commands when required.

Perk 1: It boosts their confidence by making them feel empowered to make small decisions.

Instance: You can ask them, “ Do you want to brush your teeth now or after some time?”, “ Do you want to wear this green T-shirt or the red one?”

Perk 2: Encourages mental and emotional regulation

Children have around 100 billion active brain cells ready to form brain-neural connections by interacting with their environment. This gives a golden opportunity to their caregivers to utilize this time as much as possible.

Activity

Enact all kinds of emotions with your facial expressions in front of your child and announce each emotion loudly and clearly to help your child understand. You can also do it with the help of any toy or digital art form, etc.

With repetitive playing, your child will become emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and capable of self-regulating their emotions.

Tip: Ensure to ask about their day before they go to bed and converse for at least 30 minutes daily.

Perk 3: This will help them understand your presence and the need to communicate unhesitatingly whenever they require it.

Perk 4: A sense of security by being heard gives them a sense of validation, which also boosts their confidence.

Such small gestures of validation in front of your children would help them recognize their worth by seeking the required attention and would also encourage them to work harder to receive your appreciation.

It would also enhance their

• Problem-solving skills by making them exercise their minds while giving them options.
• Encourages positive behavior because of the security that their opinions matter!
• Strengthens parent-child relationship
• Teaches boundaries while restricting their options only within two or three choices. For example, “Which colored T-shirt would you like to wear? The green one, the black one, or the red one?”.

IV. Hack4: Identifying And Avoiding Common Triggers

This is one of the most common precautionary steps to control a little one’s emotional outbursts!

i. Cheat Code 1: Ensure that your child is well-fed before taking them grocery shopping or anywhere else outside.

Reason: Hunger might cause mood swings in children.

ii. Cheat Code 2: While on the way to the grocery store, either keep talking about yummy nutritious meals since the morning, show them their cartoon versions, or just make them read something about it before the shopping time.

Now, when you enter the store, give them options among the nutritious meals that you have smartly imposed into their minds.

Tip: Motivate them to choose one nutritious snack that they would like to cook together with you.

Perk: It would teach them about the importance of nutrition, freedom of choice, responsibility, problem-solving skills, and following instructions skills.

iii. Cheat Code 3: Monitor their screen time and screen activities. Also, keep them away from violent videos, games, or even households.

Tip: Always be a good listener to them and help them understand their mistakes by being calm. Your anxiety would make them more anxious.

iv. Cheat Code 4: For parents of children with still underdeveloped language and communication skills, it is essential to identify their cues for hunger, sleep, tiredness, discomfort, wet diapers, etc.

Reason: A satisfied baby is a happy baby who sleeps peacefully, thus promoting its healthy growth and development.

v. Cheat Code 5: Children hate surprises! Hence, while transitioning from one activity to another, give them a heads-up.

Example: Rather than telling them “ You can have five more minutes of your cycle-riding”, saying “You can do two more laps of the playground, after which we will leave for home” helps in the following:

• Gives them a sense of freedom to take their time, reassuring them of their independence, while staying within your commands.
• They do not understand the sense of time. Therefore, communicating in the words they understand is important.
• Gives them time to prepare them to exit.

vi. Cheat-Code Supreme: Patience!

Reason: Children are learning to cope with their environment and there might be instances where they are clueless about their type of expressions and emotions. During this time, they lean on you for your support for their reassurance.

C. Effective Responses During Tantrums

One of the effective ways to handle toddler temper tantrums is by regulating your responses to their reactions.

How to calm a toddler during a tantrum

There are various ways to calm down the toddler during their tantrum outbursts!

1. Stay calm and composed during their emotional outbursts because children are great at mimicking rather than following instructions.

2. In case you notice a pattern for the soon-to-rise tantrum like homework time, meal time, or bedtime, then be prepared to shower them with alternatives.

Example: In case your child throws a tantrum every time they have to do homework, then it is your responsibility to sit with them, talk to them, help them face their fears, give them small snack breaks, etc. to make them confident and overcome their fears. In this case, the tantrum could occur due to a lack of understanding of the topic or subject.

Tip: During the performance of mandatory task lists, it is best to simply ignore their tantrums. Your lack of attention to their emotional outbursts will help them understand their boundaries.

3. Use distraction techniques to divert the little one's attention. For example, if you have been out to the mall and your kid becomes adamant about purchasing a toy that they do not need, then it is best to:

• Distract them with something else, in case they are toddlers. Example: “Look! There is a cat!”
• Give them alternatives in the case of older children. Example: If your child says, “I want to ride a roller coaster.” In this case, rather than simply saying “no,” you can say, “Yes, someday for sure. How about we take this amazing train ride now?”

Tip: Avoid saying “no” as much as you can. Always provide them with an alternative to help them self-analyze their choice.

4. Never give in to their demand because of public embarrassment or just to let them be happy. If you do it once, it would give them a wrong signal that it is always ok to do so.

Toddlers throw tantrums because of a lack of expression. In case a tantrum is persistently occurring by an older child above 4 years, then understand that you should never use the word “no” and never end up bargaining with them.

Example: If they want a PlayStation, then do not get them a tab; rather, tell them to choose from either a “bicycle” or joining a “swimming class.” And when they perform well, you would rethink about granting their wish to them.

Perk: It would help them learn one more skill, learn to grab an opportunity, and understand that hard work reaps sweet rewards.

D. Teaching Emotional Regulation

This is one of the most essential tips for managing toddler emotional outbursts.

1. Help them self-analyze their behavior by assertively asking them to isolate themselves for some time.

Activity

Make a “Peace Corner” at your home that has a peaceful and calm vibe. Also, station a corner table like a mini library with books, colored pencils, paints, toys, etc.

Now, tell them to always come and do whatever gives them peace at this corner until their anger or anxiety subsides. You can also add a mini whiteboard at the corner to help them express how they are feeling.

Tip: Involve your kids in helping you build one for the entire family.

Reason: It would give them a sense of responsibility and accomplishment and also enhance their creativity, imagination, problem-solving, cognition, and various other motor skills.

Perk: This would provide them with space and also help them to self-regulate, self-soothe, and self-analyze their emotions. It would also provide a heads-up to the caregivers about how to initiate bedtime conversations with them.

2. Remain calm whenever they are having emotional outbursts and try to analyze their triggers in case of redundancy.

Tip: Try to analyze their before, during, and after reactions to your certain commands or statements.

Example: Sometimes when you want them to engage in something for which you are sure they would say no to, it is best to put out an assertive statement with a company to join them.

Like, “Let’s do coloring,” rather than asking them, “Do you want to color?” or can simply put out two choices, that is, “Do you want to color or play with building blocks?”

Perk: It would give them a sense of assurance, even if they have self-doubt, thus preventing a tantrum episode.

3. Always ensure to have open communication with them about their feelings and coping mechanisms. Regular conversations would also strengthen your bond and would assure them of your timeless presence in case of an emergency.

Activity

Every weekend, make it a family habit to get together in a circle and share one incident of the week where they had to challenge themselves, face different kinds of emotions, and how they overcame it.

It would help the kids associate themselves with the parents by understanding that they are humans too, where they face challenges, face emotions, and also get emotional at times like them.

Perk: It would strengthen the parent-child bond, and also social, empathetic, communication, and language skills. It would also help them understand the importance of family.

E. When to Seek Professional Help

There are plenty of parenting tips for managing toddler tantrums, but at times the kids might show repetitive aggressive behavior, despite endless warnings.

This is the perfect time to consult a healthcare provider for more personalized and optimized support and treatment. Certain symptoms that require immediate attention include:

• A high frequency of emotional outbursts is depicted by the child, which indicates a deeper behavioral problem.
• If the child remains inconsolable for more than 30 minutes. This means that the child lacks self-regulation of emotions.
• If the child shows the symptoms of other neurological issues like ADHD, autism, etc.
• If the child has the tendency to self-harm, like biting or pinching themselves, hitting their head on the wall, fisting the wall, throwing things around to hurt someone or otherwise, etc.
• If it starts impacting their social relationships and academic performance.
• If they lack boundaries or a sense of their well-being during their outbursts.
• If parents are facing a strenuous relationship due to their emotional outbursts.

Also Read:

1. 10 Key Signs of Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
2. Guide to Becoming a Positive Parent - Benefits and Tips
3. How to Love Your Child Without Spoiling?
4. How to Handle and Smartly Control Hyperactive Children?

F. Conclusion

According to research, the tantrums usually last between 10 to 15 minutes. Due to this, children who are already lacking the tendency to self-regulate would not be able to self-analyze the repercussions of their violent behavior in the heat of the moment.

Such repetitive behavior without proper channelizing of emotions during their initial years could end up disrupting their relationships throughout their lives.

Therefore, as caregivers, it is very crucial to pay timely attention and help the kids learn self-regulation. After all, learning to handle emotional outbursts is a part of essential behavioral skills.