Are You Comparing Yourself to Other Parents Too Much? Here’s How to Stop

Parenting might just be one of the toughest jobs in the world, owing to part juggling, part adventure, and one-hundred percent emotional rollercoaster. It isn’t just the kids who are growing up; the parents are evolving with them too.

The pressure to be the “perfect parent” is one of the clear signs of comparison and can turn parenting into an emotionally dramatizing experience.

The parenting comparison stress could fuel feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment.

A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association revealed that 66% of parents reported parental stress due to societal pressure and personal expectations.

Social media further fuels unrealistic parenting ideals. According to a Pew Research Center survey (2022), 59% of parents claim that they hesitate to showcase their parenting online, while almost 43% compare themselves negatively to others.

The world of the internet has indeed blurred out the thin line between reality and expectations, leading to a stressful parenting experience. This blog is all about how to stop comparing as a parent.

Signs You’re Comparing Yourself Too Often

With overloaded information on the internet, there are multiple modes of nurturing, increasing parenting comparison stress. This leads to feeling anxious, stressed, humiliated, and even developing low self-worth in the process.

Let us now understand some signs that portray you are comparing your parenting.

1. Not Feeling “Good Enough” Despite Giving Your Best Effort

There might be instances where you wake up on time, pack your kids’ favorite lunches, manage their tantrums, read them bedtime stories, and yet feel something incomplete.

For example, judging yourself through a scale of “Why can’t I do that too?” or “What if I could look that fresh and young?” and so on.

This lack of mentality is due to the constant comparison quotient, dwelling on what you could not do. In short, comparison is a path towards misery and negativity as it makes us weigh our flaws with others’ perfections.

Affirmation: “I am enough and doing better every day.”

Reason: This portrays self-compassion and progress over perfection.

2. The Emotional Domino Effect Of Comparison

Fueling your parenting with comparison is a deep dug hole that can never be filled. Once you start, there is no end to it. This would further cause a rush of negative emotions taking control of your mind.

In the long run, it would not only hamper your mental and emotional health but would also lead to poor child development. This is because, “You are your child’s biggest role model!”

Let us now understand all three mixed breeds of negativity with an example.

Imagine scrolling through reels after a long, chaotic day, and you come across one where a fellow mom is packing her kids’ lunch boxes with cartoon-shaped fruits and sandwiches, while your kid took just a peanut butter sandwich and fruit juice.

i. Resentment: The upsurge of bitterness!

“Who has time for all that after such a hectic day? Must be nice to have a personal chef named Pinterest!”

Just a thought of this makes all your tireless hard work inadequate, while you just begin not only resenting the content but also the person behind it, subtly impacting your mood, confidence, and willingness to engage socially.

ii. Guilt: The feeling - blue phase!

“I could have done that too. I am a bad parent.”

This could further cause lingering self-doubt where you begin to question your every move and decision, leading to forgetting about the things you are doing right. A clear red flag.

iii. Overcompensation: The ultimate disruptive phase

To compensate for the ordinary school lunch, you could then plan a day out with your kid on the weekend, despite being physically and emotionally exhausted. This could also cause irritation and being less present than you had hoped.

Eventually, this lack of rest could lead to an emotional outburst, causing frustration, snapping, or sometimes zoning out, thus confusing your child. This would make your kid learn to bottle up their emotions rather than expressing them fully.

Affirmation: I release comparison and choose to parent with my presence, not pressure.”

Reason: This encourages mindful parenting and shifts the focus from perfection to connection.

3. The Obsessive Scrolling Trap

You begin scrolling endlessly through various parenting blogs, Instagram reels, or milestone charts, not just for inspiration, but for your critical evaluation. It could also cause

• Ceaselessly comparing your child’s milestones against every chart or online parenting post.
• Using social media as a measuring stick and not as a tool for learning and connection.
• Feeling anxious when your child is progressing at their own pace and not hitting the “norm.”
• Over-reliance on strangers or influencers, rather than trusting your own intuition, and constantly seeking validation like, “Am I doing this right?”

Affirmation: “My child’s journey is uniquely theirs, and I trust myself to guide it with love.”

Reason: Builds confidence in yourself and honors the child’s individual growth path.

How Social Media Amplifies Parenting Pressure

Social media has pretentiously raised the bar of parenting, where every time you scroll, you either come across a little dancing star, a singing sensation in diapers, or a tiny Picasso.

On the other hand, you are close to losing your nerves over your child trying to eat Play-Doh!

Also, according to a Pew Research survey, 28% of mothers using social media feel pressured to post their parenthood images that make them look good, compared to only 18% of fathers.

This proves that mothers are most likely to seek emotional support and validation online, making them more exposed to comparison-based stress.

Let us now understand how to stop comparing yourself to other moms against the social media’s secret marathon.

i. Picture-Perfect Parenting Posts

Let us imagine you witness a weekend post of an influencer, where they are on a family picnic with a perfect beachy background, melodious music, yummy snacks, and their picture-perfect bodies.

You, on the other hand, are lying down on your couch in your night pajamas, your partner is asleep, and your baby is creating a mess out of their food!

Fact: Social media posts are usually the highlights of a well-thought-out and scripted scenario. Besides, influencers also have loads of house help and assistants to carry out those picture-perfect tasks. On the other hand, you are managing everything by yourself.

Affirmation: “I am doing enough and with utmost love for my family.”

Reason: It helps you remain content and grounded, shifting your focus from comparison to connection.

ii. The “Milestone Competition”

Children are usually gauged through their milestones and the picture-perfect smile of the parents, following the achievement. This is one of the biggest scales of comparison among parents.

For example, children begin speaking a little fluently at the age of two. Now, for some reason, if your child has not yet begun speaking clear words, you could panic due to overloaded deadlines on the internet.

Fact: Around 15% of toddlers are late talkers, and most of them usually catch up by age 3, without any long-term issues.

Every child has their own pace to learn, progress, and grow, and must be given the necessary space, freedom and love to do so.

Affirmation: “My child is growing at their own perfect pace.”

Reason: It would keep reminding you that development isn’t a race, but a journey perfectly timed for every child.

Lesson: Be updated about child development, to understand your baby’s growth. This could also help you make informed decisions.

iii. The Influencer Culture

In the current times, social media is filled with mom-influencers trying to showcase a picture-perfect lifestyle by cooking healthy, working out, having family vacations, and even having time for self-care.

Fact: It is their “work,” and they ought to make it look perfect. Also, no one posts behind the scenes or the actual reality, but filtered content. So, measuring your self-worth with them could just cause anxiety, sadness, remorse, or depression.

Affirmation: “I am only in competition with myself as I am raising my tiny human.”

Reason: It helps to shift your focus to authenticity, easing pressure, and fostering self-acceptance.

Why Comparison Is Emotionally Draining

Social media is just a platform to learn and develop and has a thin, blurred line between reality and reel-ity. As parents, it is essential to avoid unrealistic expectations while learning authentic ones.

Also, as Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is a thief of joy.” So, comparing your parenting with the reels could instill self-doubt, chipping away at your confidence to face every day parenting challenges, making you more overwhelmed with time.

In addition, parenting requires loads of love and patience, and your negative mindset could only hamper both you and your kids’ emotional and mental state.

This disruption could further cause poor parent-child bonding. It could also create a distance between you and your children, teaching them to either mirror your reactions or just learn to bottle up their emotions.

Either way, it could fuel their improper development with long-term behavioral effects.

Solution: Use social media as a tool to just add relevant content to your intuitive parenting with mindfulness and self-compassion. Also, be grateful to be exposed to such informative content to raise an amazing child.

Shifting Focus to Your Own Parenting Style

• Shift 1: Understand that every child is unique. So, tailor your parenting approach according to their growth spurts, not society’s.
• Shift 2: Make sure to prioritize the values that align with your family’s beliefs and long-term goals, rather than popular trends.
• Shift 3: Practice self-awareness to recognize when your opinions are being manipulated by outside interference.
• Shift 4: Embrace your imperfections with perfection because you must believe that you are doing your best for your child and learning in the process.

Setting Digital Boundaries As a Parent

According to studies, limiting social media use to 30 minutes a day could significantly reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. Therefore, as parents, it is important to

• Set the daily screen time limits to reduce overwhelming feelings causing an imbalance.
• Curate your social media feed to suggest positive, supportive, and realistic parenting content.
• Immediately mute or unfollow the accounts that cause you discomfort or negativity.
• Schedule specific time for social media to avoid mindless scrolling.
• Practice mindful scrolling practices by staying aware of your emotions and parenting intuition.

Bonus: Your child does not require mimicking artificial social media content, but just your hundred percent presence for healthy growth and development. Also, in parenting, it is always the presence that beats the chase behind perfection.

Building A Supportive Parenting Community

It takes a village to raise a child, literally, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well.

Parenting communities play the role of this supportive village during various child-rearing challenges, from baby blues syndrome and postpartum depression to even a slight sneezy moment for the baby.

These communities provide a nurturing environment with a non-judgmental parenting space instead of overwhelming advice. This could further help the parents feel less isolated and more connected and confident in their unique parenting style.

If you are looking to join one, do check out R for Rabbit’s WhatsApp Parenting Community. This platform is free and offers expert and personalized advice, along with an army of like-minded parents for necessary emotional and mental support.

Celebrate Small Wins and Progress

This is one of the most effective ways to inculcate self-satisfaction and confidence in your parenting journey.

Let us now understand some tips on how to stop comparing yourself to other moms.

• Maintain a gratitude journal to highlight your daily parenting moments of joy and satisfaction.
• Develop an everyday “signing-off ritual” to acknowledge your efforts of the day. It could be lighting a candle to take deep breaths or meditating for positivity, or something else.
• Maintain a journal to record your baby’s milestones. This would help build positive reinforcement for both you and your baby.
• Ensure you have a close friend or a family member who’s a trusted person to share your wins with and increase encouragement and motivation.

Practicing Self-Kindness And Compassion

Parenting can be a rewarding experience, but could also be followed by loads of self-doubt, exhaustion, and overwhelming experiences, leading to self-criticism and frustration, harmful for the entire family.

Therefore, it is important to practice self-kindness and treat yourself like you would your old friend, with empathy, patience, and encouragement. This would serve as a gentle reminder that you are doing your best.

Also, make sure to practice daily positive affirmations in front of the mirror, which could help you rewire your negative thinking pattern and make you more self-composed and grounded.

In addition, it is equally important to embrace the episodic emotional outbursts, messy tantrums, and moments of imperfection with love, as they are a part of the journey, not a badge of dishonor.

It is also necessary to allow yourself to take breaks without guilt, as and when you need them to refuel your parenting function with ease. Because remember! “Parenting is a full-time job!”

Tip: Become your own best friend.

When to Seek Help For Comparison Stress

There might be an instance when, despite trying every possible thing to do what’s right, you end up falling into the loop of constant parental comparison. This could lead to persistent irritability, stress, low self-esteem, or feeling disconnected from your own child and family.

With time, this could in turn also affect your mental health. This is a clear sign for you to seek professional guidance and support that helps you clear the mental clutter and rebuild a healthier, more joyful parenting mindset.

Also Read:

1. Common Mistakes To Avoid By First-Time Parents - A Parenting Guide
2. Guide to Becoming a Positive Parent - Benefits and Tips
3. Types of Parenting Styles: Which One is Right for Your Child?
4. 10 Parenting Tips For Raising Responsible Citizens
5. How AI Is Changing Parenting Practices
6. How to Be a Good Teacher for Your Baby?

Conclusion: Your Parenting Journey Is Yours Alone

Comparison breeds negativity and could eventually cause emotional and mental turmoil.

As parents, it is essential to acknowledge that children’s journeys are theirs, and they will always grow and develop at their own pace.

In the meantime, you as parents must self-reflect, self-analyze, and self-love, for your kids to adapt to the same. Lastly, remember to always remain cheerful around them, for them to reflect the same.