How to Avoid Spoiling Your Baby? Recognize And Prevent Unhealthy Habits

“I want that toy, else I am not moving.” or “I only want to have pizza; else I am not having anything.”

As parents, sometimes it is common to encounter such tantrums by the children. This is because they are still in the learning process.

However, the real issue arises when the children start normalizing throwing such tantrums just anywhere and anytime, and simply refuse to listen to no!

Therefore, as caregivers, it is essential to balance out love and discipline, right from their childhood.

This could be done by recognizing spoiled behavior in infants and immediately rectifying it.

Gradually, with consistency, the children learn to adapt themselves and show the signs of an unspoiled baby, which is an acceptable social behavior.

When Do Babies Start Spoiling?

Children require immense love, support, and attention during their toddler years because it helps in their healthy brain development.

In addition, closeness to parents during their initial months is also necessary to regulate the heartbeat and breathing of the baby.

In addition, according to a study, children are incapable of developing any habits due to their still-developing brain-neural connections until 6 months of age. It is only after six months that they gradually begin to understand their environment.

Therefore, shower them with all the possible love and attention during their initial six months because after that, their real training towards unspoiling begins!

Difference Between Spoiled And Unspoiled Children

Let us understand this with the help of examples.

Statement	Spoiled Kid’s Response	Unspoiled Kid’s Response
“No, you cannot have that!”	“But I always get what I want! Why not now?”	“Okay, I understand. I will find something else I like.”
“Yes, you like it, but this one looks even better.”	“No, I want that one, not the other one!”	“Hmm, I guess the other one looks nice too. Maybe I will try it!”

One of the major differences that one can witness between the two 

• Spoiled Kids: They always resist the boundaries and demand instant gratification. They hate listening to the word “no.”
• Unspoiled Kids: They are more open, humble, understanding, and emotionally intelligent to handle their disappointments or disapproval.

As parents, it is essential to understand the fine line between attentive parenting and spoiling. This is crucial for their future interpersonal and professional relationships.
This blog covers everything you need to know about signs of spoiling baby habits, along with effective parenting tips to prevent spoiling in them.

Recognizing Signs of Spoiling in Babies

Babies are naturally born curious and love to explore around them to develop essential brain and neural connections.

Although they require a hospitable and supportive environment to learn and grow, it is equally essential to help them understand boundaries right from infancy.

One of the first steps towards this is by identifying the signs of a spoiled baby and understanding the right parenting strategies to prevent spoiling them.

Some of the signs of spoiling in babies are as mentioned below.

1. Frequent Tantrums: The Drama Queen Syndrome!

This is one of the developed habits that is sustained due to parents’ ignorance to draw the essential boundaries. It mostly follows a minute inconvenience due to inability to do what they want or not being able to get what they want.

These children are capable of delivering an Oscar-worthy performance with loads of tears, wails, rolling on the floor, self-harm, and everything possible to get what they want!

Example

Imagine you are at a public place, and your child wants to purchase a remote-controlled plane, which they already have at home. Your refusal makes them cry, shriek, and roll on the floor, being adamant about getting it.

Parent Tip

• Dealing with tantrums at home: Ignore them and be very consistent and firm about your instructions. Let them process their emotions their way. Once they realize their actions are not impacting you, they will gradually stop and accept it.
• Dealing with tantrums in public places: Isolate them from the public and take them to a secluded corner. Give them time to calm down by monitoring their self-harming behavior, if any. Talk to them mindfully when they have calmed down.
  

2. Difficulty Accepting “No”: No-Means-What?

The children do not learn this in a day. Lack of boundaries right from childhood makes them used to getting their way, without hearing a simple “No.”

This usually happens in the case of permissive parenting, where the parents do not want to disappoint their children.

If the child is used to getting what they want every time, they would refuse to compromise when it is required. This could further hamper their social and relationship skills in the future.

Example:

Imagine you are at your child’s friend’s birthday party, and everyone is getting a sandwich.

Your child does not like eating it, and is also used to getting what they want to eat every time. In such scenarios, this situation could be embarrassing when your child ends up throwing tantrums at a “No, you have to eat what you are given.”

Parent Tip

Children need to understand that they are not the boss; you are!

As parents, it is your responsibility to make them understand this very clearly, and sometimes it is also beneficial to let them have their way in certain things.

For example, if you ask your child, “Do you want to brush your teeth now?” and if they say, “No, I would do it later.” You can respond by saying, “Ok, then let’s brush your teeth after 10 minutes!”

This would not only give them the freedom to make their own choice, but they would also understand that they have been asked and then given a levy of 10 minutes!

It would give them independence and a sense of acknowledgment that they are being listened to. This would also help them stay humble and meek when you say a “no,” followed with a reason!

3. Attention Hungry: Spotlight Seeker

This can result from various reasons, like:

• Constant need for validation or approval from an adult. It might be due to lack of attention by the parents or overindulgence by them.
• The “want” of admiration by everyone. This is a developed habit due to the over-attentive attitude of the caregivers.
• Children facing low self-worth issues or insecurity due to their incapabilities. This might push them towards receiving positive reinforcement from an external source to boost their confidence.
• Lack of emotional connection at home enables the children to seek validation from outside.
• Children who are brought up in a competitive environment right from childhood.
  

Example

A child who has a habit of exaggerated storytelling to grab attention, like, “You know what, I just climbed down the entire staircase at once?” or “Huh! I could do this in a minute!” etc.

Parent Tip

It is essential to spend at least 20 minutes with your child every day and talk to them about their day, friends, school, etc.

This would help you to communicate openly with them about their concerns, thoughts, and opinions, and also enable you to guide them properly.

Be open to their talks and always be calm while answering their questions. This would also help them understand that you are always there for them!

4. Lack of Patience: Instant Gratification Junkie

A spoiled child lacks patience, which further causes an inability to self-regulate emotions, showcasing overdependence on parents, and lacking essential social skills.

This happens with the children who are usually accustomed to getting everything immediately.

This could also result from excessive screen time and less nature time that teaches kids about patience, waiting for their turn, and delayed gratification.

Example

If a child, who is a picky eater, is adamant about watching their favorite cartoon while eating and gets their required wish every time, they gradually get used to instant gratification.

Parent Tip

It is essential to get your kids habituated to delayed gratification. That is, avoid giving them rewards for small achievements and always shower them with loads of praise in response to their good work.

For example, if they are adamant about getting screen time during meals, you can just make a no-screen-time rule during meals and adhere to it consistently. 
This would help them develop patience for the things they deserve and would also help them develop essential social and relationship skills, along with learning self-regulation in the process.

Pro Tip

As parents, it is your responsibility to monitor your child’s behavior by placing boundaries efficiently and immediately wherever and whenever you witness their manipulation techniques.

This would help them inculcate discipline and also help them understand delayed gratification.

Causes of Spoiled Behavior

Recognizing spoiled behavior in infants and toddlers is the first step towards unspoiling them.

Some of the probable causes of spoiling baby habits lie within the love, affection, and care of the parents, which sometimes could slip towards spoiling unintentionally.

A few of the causes are as follows:

1. Material Possession Over Quality Family Time

Children who are used to receiving material rewards in response to their achievements understand materialism as happiness.

Showering them with a brand new cycle or iPad could, although, make them happy, but doing so every time could take them away from the true happiness of shared family time with loads of laughter, banter, and games.

Tip: If your child has done something worth rewarding, then make them accustomed to family time, more than materialistic gifts.

For example, “I notice that you have diligently completed your homework this week. Let’s all watch a movie of your choice together, along with your favorite treat, this weekend.”

Tip: Make it a rule that materialistic gifts would only be given in case of extraordinary achievements in academics, sports, etc., and that too after careful consideration of their present behavior and discipline.

2. Inconsistent Boundaries Over Consistent Rules

Children always imitate rather than learn what they are taught. So, if you want them to take you seriously, you have to give them a reason.

Example

If there is a rule of no screen time during meals or before the completion of the homework, then it should always remain that way, no matter what.

Your episodic allowance for a little screen time during their meals or whenever they want to would make them understand that they can always manipulate you into breaking the rules.

Tip: A rule must be strictly enforced for them to understand their boundaries and learn to follow instructions.

3. Permissive Parenting Over Authoritative Parenting

Let us understand this with the help of an example. Consider a child who wants to purchase a brand new sports cycle when they already have one at home and refuses to move until they receive it.

• Permissive Parenting: Their main goal is to avoid any kind of tantrums by not disappointing their children and giving them what they want to avoid conflicts.
• Authoritative Parenting: Their main goal is to help their children be responsible, practical, and understand boundaries with clear reasoning.

In this case, the permissive parents would end up purchasing the cycle, while the authoritative parents would be successful in explaining to their children why they do not need it.

Such instances with consistency habituate the children into the pattern they grow up with, thus spoiling them or unspoiling them in the process. All this is based on the parenting approach.

As parents, it is essential to think thoughtfully about the kind of parenting that is helpful in various situations.

This flexible approach could even satisfy the children by imparting them with acknowledgment when they want it and discipline when they need it!

4. Excessive Leniency Over Balanced Discipline

Children need to be taught discipline with established rules and boundaries, or else they fail to understand their limits.

For example, if the bedtime routine is at 9 pm sharp, then it should be followed diligently, without any chance or opportunity to disregard it. This enforces discipline in the children.

On the contrary, if you let your children watch the show for that extra 10 minutes or give them a sugary snack to satisfy their sweet pang, then they would disregard their bedtime routine and would always try to manipulate it whenever they can.

This minute leniency over the period could lead to excessive self-satisfaction over following rules, discipline, and limits.

Risk Factors

As caregivers, it is crucial to understand how to avoid spoiling your baby by assessing the risk factors associated with it.

Also, it is essential to understand the associated effective parenting tips to prevent them from spoiling.

1. First-Time Parents Anxiety: The Ultimate Roller-Coaster Ride

A lot follows with the first-time parents because they just want to do everything right by their babies. In the process, they fail to regulate their parenting style, which could sometimes lead to spoiling. Some of the factors to be cautious about include:

i. Overindulgence: When you lack patience to let your children learn to cope with disappointments and give in to their every wish, it creates an inconsistent boundary that could impact their learning of discipline, rules, and limits.

Example: If a child gets a cookie every time they throw a tantrum, it would become their habit.

ii. Overprotectiveness: This is one of the major reasons to hinder the growth and development of the child. While it is natural to keep your child protected, it is equally important to expose them to different challenges while guiding them their way through it. After all, everyone learns from mistakes.

Example: If you every time end up cutting off your partner whenever they are scolding the children, they would never learn from their mistakes.

Tip: Always remember, although you cannot live without them, the sole purpose of their development is to teach them to live without you!

2. High Disposable Income: The Art Of “Oops! I Did It Again!”

Parents with high disposable income are always on the beck and call to fulfill every wish of their child. However, they might fail to understand that by doing so, they are just impacting their children’s overall growth and development.

In the long run, it could impact the children’s confidence, independence, social relationships, cognitive thinking, problem-solving, and various other skills. Also, children of such parents get accustomed to instant gratification.

Example: If a child wants an expensive PlayStation, then you must help them understand that they need to earn it. Always ensure the kids stay grounded and humble, irrespective of the financial situation. This would enable them to make wise decisions in the future.

3. Cultural Pressure: The Child-Happiness Obsession

This usually happens when the children are brought up within a joint family or live nearby their relatives.

There is this never-ending competition between making the kids happy by gifting them with unwanted things that ends up spoiling them. One of the reasons is “showing off” that their kids are always satisfied and happy.

Such children keep receiving unnecessary gifts and develop a “sense of entitlement.” This attitude is very harmful for their future growth and development.

Tip: Always remember, there is no growth in the comfort zone!

4. Lack of Knowledge About Child Development: The Developmental Blindspot

Sometimes lack of proper knowledge about child development also enables the parents to fall into a whirlwind of confusion. Due to this, they do what they think is right and unintentionally end up spoiling their child.

Therefore, it is essential to take the right guidance and support from various child development sources to provide your kids with the best possible strategies and enhance their growth and future.

Tip: Consistency is the only key to child development.

3 Prevention Strategies to Prevent Spoiling

Let us now understand some key parenting strategies to prevent spoiling in children with the help of certain activities.

1. Define Consistent Boundaries

Activity: Make a weekly timetable and stick it within your sight. Include their meal time, play time, screen time, homework time, bedtime, and even buffer time for a productive extra-curricular activity. Now, encourage the kids to put a tick after completing the task.

The Catch:

• Helps the kids to stay in a routine, providing them ample time for everything they require for their development.
• Promotes responsibility in them to complete the given task.
• Minimizes power struggle as it helps them understand what is expected of them.
• Provides a sense of independence and self-confidence.
  

2. Encourage Patience

Activity: Always listen to their demands and provide what they want. But wait! Always tell them to wait for five minutes or not to touch it before you return from some chore, etc. Now gradually increase the time limit.

The Catch

Teaches kids about delayed gratification, following instructions, building emotional resilience, promoting self-control, and also fostering good habits.

3. Teach Earning Rewards

Activity: When you make the timetable, also tell them that you would be monitoring everyday’s tasks and would stick a star next to the day on which they were able to complete their entire task list.

At the end of the week, if they received at least 5 stars, they would be rewarded with a movie time, favorite snack time, or activity time, etc., of their choice.

The Catch:

• Helps them push their limits and try to achieve the desired result.
• Teaches them accountability. This would make them rely upon themselves for their rewards rather than any external source.
• Prevents a sense of entitlement as they understand that they received something due to their hard work.
  

Tip: Always ensure to stick to non-materialistic rewards.

These activities would make them humble, meek, and grounded, thus taking them away from a sense of “feeling special” and thus, being spoiled!

The Role Of Positive Reinforcement

It is a psychological concept that focuses on appreciating or rewarding children's small efforts by praise or acknowledgment. This encouragement uplifts them and encourages them to repeat the good behavior.

This is one of the most effective parenting strategies to prevent spoiling. Let us understand it with the help of an example.

Assume a child has organized their toys but in the wrong order. Now, rather than scolding them, you can say, “I appreciate how neatly you have assembled your toys. However, they need to be assembled like this.” You can show them how it’s done.

This would make the child happy and satisfied about your acknowledgment, and they would also try to do similar things to receive your appreciation.

However, there are certain things to keep in mind during this learning experience.

• Always praise them with words or a small fun time activity, rather than rewarding them with material gifts every time.
• Avoid bribing them at any cost. For example, avoid saying statements like, “If you do this, you would get this!” It is a strict no-no in child development.
  

Setting Age-Appropriate Expectations

As caregivers, although it is essential to recognize spoiled behavior in infants, it is equally important to understand their developmental cycle and milestones.

This would not only help you set age-appropriate expectations for them but would also enable them to comply with it, in accordance with your instructions.

For example, you cannot expect a 5-year-old to clean the entire room by themselves. They would require assistance, or you cannot expect a 4-year-old to stay seated for long hours in one place to complete their homework. They would require your calibrated guidance to get it done.

Tip: Analyze their age group and understand their milestone development to help them ace it through various activities. This would also enable not spoiling them in the process.

Also Read:

1. What is Positive Parenting? A Nurturing Guide for Your Child
2. How to Love Your Child Without Spoiling: Parenting Tips for Discipline
3. Common Mistakes First Time Parents Make
4. The 4 Types of Parenting Styles: Which One is Right for Your Child?